Me when I found out that Gerard Way (post MCR break up) decided to put out his own solo album…
Never in my life have I gone from death to the Promise Land in less than half a sec.

Me when I found out that Gerard Way (post MCR break up) decided to put out his own solo album…
Never in my life have I gone from death to the Promise Land in less than half a sec.

What does it say about me that I still find this emo vampire face to be perfection?… nothing. It says nothing. Because it’s a biological fact that Gerard Way will always be perfect.
Ahem, LAWYERED. *Marshall HIMYM voice*

What does it say about me that I still find this emo vampire face to be perfection?

… nothing. It says nothing. Because it’s a biological fact that Gerard Way will always be perfect.

Ahem, LAWYERED. *Marshall HIMYM voice*

*Grabs me by the hand singing Mi Morena (aka me) as we sway off into the Spanish sunset together leaving behind the trail of Grobanite #FanGirl tears trickling away in the distance* 
- One of the many unrealistic scenarios I play out in my head when I actually should be working. Oops.

*Grabs me by the hand singing Mi Morena (aka me) as we sway off into the Spanish sunset together leaving behind the trail of Grobanite #FanGirl tears trickling away in the distance*

- One of the many unrealistic scenarios I play out in my head when I actually should be working. Oops.

Just a typical work chat with Mr. Grumpy Bear.

  • Coworker: I'm over this cold. I've had enough.
  • Me: I know, right? But I just pretend in my mind that it's 60 degrees outside and there's a glorious little flower swirling around me. You should try it. It helps.
  • Coworker: ...... yeah...... no.
  • Me: ... and now that flower just died. Brutally.
  • Coworker: ... oh Britni, please just go and talk to some birds or something.
  • Me: .... only. in. my. dreams. For real though, can you just imagine the kind of stories they could tell?
  • Coworker: *rolls eyes* ... on that note, I'm going back to my desk now.
  • I think this counts as bonding.

Tears on aisle 7.

Ok, maybe this is some conspiracy theory, but I’ve noticed a terribly sneaky trend in grocery stores.

….Sad, flippin’ music. A ballad for the brokenhearted.

Like, brutally sad, like - listening to late night Delila as she tries to talk you through your loveless life but actually just makes you super aware of how lonely you actually are - kind of sad (don’t lie - you’ve listened to Delila too).

I mean, COME ON?

I walk in picking up ingredients for a grilled chicken and mixed green salad because HEY, no one likes a whale in a bikini, and end up walking out with 2 pounds of Nutella and a bottle (three) of wine.

Because I’m pretty sure after the I can’t make you love me, everybody hurts sometime and how can you mend a broken heart scream down at me in an eloquent heart-stabbing sequence, I’ve already forgotten there is such a thing as a vegetable and I’m scouring the store for every item that says “this will go right to your a$$” (aka can a girl just get some damn fries?) - to comfort my held back tears.

I’m sorry, but it’s not a coincidence that on Monday I walk into the store only to be serenaded by it must have been love, Thursday with she don’t love you like I love you, and Sunday with all by myself... they just HAD to pull out the Celine card.

I see what they’re doing here, and screw them, it’s working. I WILL buy their overpriced baked goods, ice cream, chips, pizzas, uh, every thing I can get my hands on, because ay, they don’t call it comfort eating for no reason.

But, maybe I’m wrong, and maybe it’s just me (warning: conspiracy theory strikes again).

Maybe they’ve got a watch dog that’s like, "Attention, attention, Britni just rolled up… cue Joni Mitchell MEOW."

Because they know, oh. how. they. do. know, my bill just went from $30.00 to $150.00 (in carbs) as soon as Joni softly whimpers to me that love is gone, ohh, love is gone.

You’re right babygirl, it is gone - along with my money, my dignity, my pant size and the entire chip aisle. But, of course, they’ll restock and get ready for me on Thursday.

I mean, if they’re gonna draw me into a black hole of emotional eating despair with their well thought-out playlists, then they might as well just make me a damn mix cd.

But I hope they throw in some Michael Bolton because who doesn’t like a side of I said I love you, but I lied with their overpriced bag of processed chicken nuggz. Na’meen?

Just frolic with me, dammit.

- me, to every boy ever.

Yes, his creepiness is what I look for in a man.


— The Walkmen - “In The New Year” —

“True Life: I Choose Queso Over My Love Life”
— No shame no game.

I’ve always had a great fondness for the Mad Ones.

For one, they clearly make life more interesting…

                      but honestly, I just bond better with crazies.

Just try and tell me this lankiness ain’t beautiful… *Spoiler Alert* - you can’t.

Just try and tell me this lankiness ain’t beautiful…
*Spoiler Alert* - you can’t.